


In This Group-chat It's Yeet or Be Yeeted

by doodlemeimpressed



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Autistic Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Crack, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Maybe OOC, Multi, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, big oof because i dont know what im doing, group chat au, or i dont know how to write them, purely bc i dont know how they would text, there are some people who might not show up in the gc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-06-19 20:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15518079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doodlemeimpressed/pseuds/doodlemeimpressed
Summary: The Detroit: Become Human Group Chat AU that everyone apparently loves





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i figured out i was a Gavin kin today lol

**North added Markus, Simon, Josh and 2 others**

 

_4:23 p.m._

**North:** bonjour my petite titty croissants

 **Simon:** owo whats this

 **Markus:** cursed

 **Markus:** sorry I have to leave now, I have uhhhhh

 **Markus:** things to do

 **Markus:** actually im NOT sorry

 **Josh:** yeah I'm with robo Jesus,

 **Josh:** gotta go op

 **Markus:** robo WHAT??

 **North:** fjdnsnsbsbajajan

 **Connor** : hello!

 **Kara:** also hello :)

 **Josh:** okay but is no one gonna address 'titty croissants’???

 **North:** I'm gaey

 **North:** also hungry brb

 **Markus:** 'brb’?!!? U ADDED US TO THE GROUP U CANT LEAVE

 **Markus:** Kara please,,,, control ur girlfriend

 **Kara:** she is uncontrollable sorry owo

 **Simon:** uwu

 **Josh:** this is hell

 **Connor:** if it was hell why would Jesus be here?

 **Simon:** did u just call your boyfriend Jesus

 **Connor:** that's what Josh called him

 **Markus:** that's fair

 **Markus:** but if we're giving each other pet names, Simon is an angel

 **Simon:** 0///0

 

_4:49 p.m._

**North:** I am back

 **North:** oh also

**North changed Markus’s name to robo jesus**

**North changed Simon's name to an angel**

**robo jesus:** hello darkness my old friend

 **Kara:** is there a reason you added us all into a group chat, bby?

 **Josh:** BBY!

 **robo jesus:** BBY!

 **an angel:** BBY!

 **Kara:** also can I add Luther?

 **North:** doe he even have a phone?

 **Josh:** doe

 **robo jesus:** doe

 **an angel:** a deer

 **an angel:** a female deer

 **an angel:** ray, a drop of golden sun

 

**Connor went offline**

 

 **robo jesus:** simon u killed our sweet boyfriend with your terrible singing

 **an angel:** djsjsjsjhsksjbd

 **an angel:** ????????

 **an angel:** excyse me?? its in text form????

 **Josh:** go off Simon, I support u

 **robo jesus:** wow so much for a pacifist

 **Josh:** u insulted an angel u deserve what's coming to you soz

 

_5:01 p.m._

**North:** me and Kara both realized that Luther doesn't have a phone

 **Kara:** _image sent_ [wack.png]

 **an angel:** wack

 **robo jesus:** wack

 **Josh:** you 2 are like the seagulls from nemo

 **North:** to answer your question, Kara, I honestly just added us all here because why not

 

_5:08 p.m._

**Josh:** huh..

 **Kara:** that's valid

 **Kara:** oh snap I gtg

 **North:**???

 **North:** concern??

 **Kara:** it's fine Alice just want to show me smth

 **Kara:** though it's getting pretty late, so yeah, I gtg

 **North:** goodnight my sweet

 **North:** tell Luther to get a phone

 

**Kara went offline**

 

 **Josh:** speaking of offline

 **Josh:** where did Connor go????

 

_5:11 p.m._

**Josh:** heLLO???

 **North:** who are u addressing

 **Josh:** no t u

 **North:** wow okay, someone ban Josh from his phone, he's being mean to me

 **Josh:** u liTERALLY WANTED TO KILL PEOPLE BEFORE??

 

_5:15 p.m._

**an angel:** jdsjhssn

 **Josh:** ur not dead, hallelujah!

 **robo jesus:** were u asking for one of us?

 **Josh:** u have a mental link with all Android’s Markus

 **Josh:** also Simon and u are dating him so??

 **an angel:** I think he just… left?

 **Josh:** without saying goodbye??

 **robo jesus:** no he left because of Simon's singing we addressed this

 **an angel:** bOY-

 **an angel:** I am LITERALLY MADE to sing good???

 **robo jesus:** we all have flaws

 **an angel:** yeah and urs are about to be missing kneecaps

 **robo jesus:** brb I'm gonna try and mentally yell Connor back here

 

**robo jesus went offline**

 

 **North:** huh

 **North:** anyways, I'm gone, good luck finding puppy eyes

**North changed Connor's name to puppy eyes**

**an angel:** bye!!

 **Josh:** cya bih

 **North:** cya thot

 

**North went offline**

 

_5:19 p.m._

**an angel:** when will my husbands return from the war

 **Josh:** god I /hope/ there's not another war

 **an angel:** xjsjsbaa omg I didn't think about that

 **robo jesus:** a case came in he's fine

 **an angel:** at this hour???

 **Josh:** Simon

 **an angel:**?

 **Josh:** do u think crime sleeps?

 **an angel:** well I mean

 **robo jesus:** hdjsnNBDSHSJS SIMON DO U THINK CRIME SLWWPS OMG

 **an angel:** crIMINALS DO BUT GO OFF I GUESS

 

_5:24 p.m._

**Josh:** dnjajnaan I think I ruptured a lung

 **robo jesus:** WE DONT HAVE LUNGS XBSNNNSNANA

 **an angel:** yeah let's bully Josh over his not-lungs

 **Josh:** u can't bully me if IM NOT HERE HAHAHAH

 **an angel:** don't u darw

**Josh went offline**

**an angel:** bdnsnsnsn

 **robo jesus:** the audacity

 

_5:48 p.m._

**an angel went offline**

 

_6:25 p.m._

**robo jesus went offline**

 

\---

 

_7:67 p.m._

**[Markus >> Simon]**

**Markus:** do u actually think crime sleeps

 **Simon:** hdhsjjnss

 **Simon:** go tO SLEEP

 **Markus:** unlike crime

 **Simon:** bLOCKED

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> North is a little shit  
> Josh doesn't want to deal with that  
> Connor talks about a case and Gavin  
> The fam is concerned for North

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mentions of attempting suicide  
> Also Implied NFSW
> 
> Other than that it's good  
> Sorry it's only the second chapter but it's getting dark oOF

_8:04 a.m._

**robo jesus is online**

**an angel is online**

**North is online**

**Josh is online**

 

 **North:** Bonjour

 **robo jesus:** dont say it

 **North:** my petite titty croissants

 **Josh:** omg

 **an angel:** sdffdfsdfdf

 **an angel:** wow the GUTS

 **robo jesus:** _image sent_ [i_was_threatened.png]

 

**Kara is online**

 

 **Kara:** good morning everyone

 **robo jesus:** kara tell me your secret

 **Kara:** hm?

 **robo jesus:** how do u, a lovely, beautiful, caring woman deal with North

 **Kara:** Maybe we just have different taste

 **Kara:** but North is all of those things you just said, to me, Markus :)

 **North:** fdsiufdidfsihdsfh

 **North:** woW I DONT DESERVE U

 **Josh:** okay lets be honest

 **Josh:** no one deserves Kara

 **an angel:** tru tru

 **robo jesus:** shit u right

 **Kara:** uwu !!!

 **robo jesus:** i love Kara so much that im not even angry about that

 **an angel:** me too? owo

 **robo jesus:** simon go offline i wanna talk to u

 **an angel:** thAT SOUNDS VAGUELY THREATENING???

 **Josh:** jfc Markus is gonna kill Simon

 **robo jesus:** DONT USE MY NAME IN VAIN

 **robo jesus:** alSO NO IM NOT

 **robo jesus:** i juST WANNA TALK HONESTLY

 **North:** kara, my sweet, close your eyes u dont need to see this bloodshed

 **Kara:** North, i’ve killed people before

 **North:** fdsdfshdhfudufhdsfkdsfjk

 **Josh:** aAAAA FDSJDFDF

 **an angel:** good christ

 

_8:14 a.m._

**robo jesus:** oh btw did u guys hear about what happened on Connor’s case?

 **an angel:** oh yeaH!!

 **Kara:** wait how did you?

 **Kara:** isn’t

 **Kara:** isn’t that private?

 **North:** yeah isn’t that illegal??

 **Josh:** north since when do u care about the law

 **North:** smh u right spill the beans yo

 **Josh:** wait

 **Kara:** I have a question

 **Josh:** yeah me too fdsfddfssdf

 **North:** dammit, i want to hear about crime, not laws

 **robo jesus:**?

 **an angel:**??

 **Kara:** h ow did u get connor to tell you what happened??

 **Josh:** i wAS LITERALLY GONNA ASK THAT K ARA

 **Josh:** yeah but she has a point because isn’t talking about a case with non-detectives like, again, illegal?

 **Josh:** so how did u get him to tell u??

 

_8:23 a.m._

**an angel:** 0////0

 **an angel:** uhm

 **North:** no

 **Josh:** omg u didn't

 **robo jesus:** _image sent_ [OK_hand_sign_emoji_and_backhand_index_pointing_left_emoji.png]

**North:** lmao

**an angel:** mARKUS-

**Josh:** dsfiygdfsBDJHFDSHJSDF

**Kara:** oh

**Kara:** huh

**Josh went offline**

**North:** u killed him guys

**North:** aLSO KARA WHAT DO U MEAN “huh” dsfydfsfddfs

**Kara:** i mean as long as it was safe?

**puppy eyes is online**

**North:** thEY BRIBED HIM WITH S EX BUT GO OFF LMFAO

**puppy eyes:** Have I entered at an inappropriate time?

**North:** i dunno connor u tell me

**puppy eyes:** That would by physically impossible, as i cannot read text’s before i log on

**puppy eyes:** Personally, i believe that this fact is a big flaw in the development of this social media’s group chat addition

**puppy eyes:** But, it’s nothing i can change so I’ll simply have to ‘go with it’

**Kara:** have fun last night, Connor?

**North:** sdfffsdfSAHSAHKSA KARA-

**puppy eyes:** i don’t think i understand what you’re implying, Kara?

**Kara:** I hope u stayed safe

_ 8:30 a.m. _

**puppy eyes:** Ah, you must be referring to the case last night! :)

**puppy eyes:** While i cannot legally go in-depth to discuss it with you, everything went well, i was only minorly injured :D

**robo jesus:** you were shot

**puppy eyes:** minorly

**North:** yeah, I’m sure you can’t go “in-depth”, Connor ;)

**an angel:** dsfdfsfdsfdsf “minorly” you literally came home with a bullet in your arm

**Josh is online**

**an angel:** also, north,,, no,,,,

**puppy eyes:** but nothing life-threatening, correct?

**puppy eyes:** In the use of your winking face emoji implies and innuendo and the words lead me to assume your implications were of the sexual matter, though i can assure you, nothing sexual happened while i was on the case

**North:** yeah, maybe not on the case, but maybe when you /got off/

**an angel:** noRTH NO-

**Josh:** i thought i was safe, but i was wrong

**Josh went offline**

_ 8:37 a.m. _

**Kara:** sdffdssfdKJFSDAJKDFSDFSKJ

**Kara:** i think i hear Alice calling for me uhhhhhh

**Kara went offline**

**puppy eyes:** I cannot see your innuendos furthering the conversation, so i offer a compromise:

**North:** yes?

**puppy eyes:** It’s clear you wish to know more about the case, so if i tell you about it, will you promise to change my name back to Connor and cease your innuendos?

**North:** I’m not the one going in-depth, Connor, but i agree

**an angel:** dfdfdfsdfs

**robo jesus:** i regret ever having said anything

**North:** _ Image sent  _ [shaking_hands_meme.png]

**puppy eyes:** hm

**North:** oh u want your name changed first, ok ok

**North changed puppy eye’s name to Connor “in-depth” RK800**

**robo jesus:** bold of u to assume he's the one who goes in-depth

**an angel:** MARKUS DON'T TELL NORTH ANYMORE THAN SHE NEEDS TO KNOW P LEASE DHDHSHS

_ 8:44 p.m. _

**Connor “in-depth” RK800:** I suppose this will have to do, though i still don’t understand the innuendo…

**Connor “in-depth” RK800:** I got the call last night of a 10-99 just before Hank and my shift ended, he, of course wanted to go home and simply leave it to Gavin and his knew partner RK900 who were still on the clock, but I insisted that we go as Gavin and RK900 aren’t on the best of terms currently.

**North:** 10-99??

**robo jesus:** 10-99 Shots Fired Request Backup

**North:** ah

**Connor “in-depth” RK800:** On our way there over the radio it was confirmed as an in progress 0907 and that there was a house keeping android of unknown sex trying to jump from a building

**robo jesus:** 0907 Suicide

**North:** hh

**Connor “in-depth” RK800:** Once we got there the Android was confirmed female and I was told the Android was claiming the father of the house tried to kill her, I managed to make my way up to the roof where the Android was and, while sustaining a minor bullet wound to the left arm, I talked the Android down from the ledge. We confirmed her story from  a memory scan and arrested the man for attempted murder.

**Connor “in-depth” RK800:** Will the innuendos now cease?

**North:** yeah, sorry

**North changed Connor “in-depth” RK800’s name to Connor**

**North is now offline**

_ 9:03 a.m. _

**an angel:** u didn't say that much last night Connor

**Connor:** it didn't seem relevant

**Connor:** plus I hardly had time to speak

**robo jesus:** well I'm glad no one got seriously hurt

**an angel:** yeah

**an angel:** I hope North is okay though

**an angel is now offline**

_ 9:10 a.m. _

**robo jesus:** you mentioned someone named Gavin?

**Connor:** Yes, he's a fellow officer from the precinct 

**robo jesus:** isn't he that asshole who tries to beat you up sometimes?

**Connor:** Correct

**Connor:** Though since the revolution and gaining a stubborn Android partner his violent personality seems to have been placated 

**robo jesus:** you're telling me

**robo jesus:** that an Android made the Android hater….calmer?

**Connor:** I believe they're having intercourse

**robo jesus:** jdjsjaNJdHFHDJ CONNOR-

**Josh is now online**

_ 9:15 a.m. _

**Connor:** ?

**robo jesus:** hello Josh u missed Connor’s entire case from last night

**Josh:** thank rA9

**Connor:** Markus should we resume our conversation now or perhaps another time?

**robo jesus:** I don't mind

**Josh:** what are you guys talking about?

**Connor:** a fellow police officer and my doppelganger 

**Josh:** your

**robo jesus:** yOUR WHAT????

**Connor:** that's the correct term yes? He looks exactly like me

**Connor:** _ image sent  _ [3vrGUSLQH3XeCt6M6_RK900]

**Josh:** shit you're right

**robo jesus:** waiT

**robo jesus:** YOU'RE TELLING ME

**robo jesus:** THAT U THINK GAVIN AND HIM

**robo jesus:** ARE A THING?

**Josh:** /Pardon???/

**Connor:** Gavin seems calmer around RK900, accepts coffee from him, gets to work on time and seems to be better at his job

**robo jesus:** u said they ‘aren’t on the best of terms currently’?

**Connor:** They publicly argue and get into physically fights at the precinct

**Josh:** yeah that sounds like bad terms to me

**Connor:** I think RK900 is good for Gavin :)

**Connor:** I

_ 9:20 a.m. _

**Connor:** I'm sorry I have to leave, something from work just came up. Goodbye :)

**Connor is offline**

**robo jesus:** _ image sent  _ [wack.png]

**Josh:** wack

**robo jesus is offline**

**Josh is offline**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also if you're wondering why Connor seemed to not be able to read the akward situation after he talked about his case it's because he can't read social cues, plus it's even harder to read cues in text form


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memes, what's new?  
> The only good part of this is Luther joins the chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I realize that none of them would have phones  
> Also this is all so ooc  
> But this is an AU

**robo jesus is online**

**an angel is online**

**Connor is online**

**Josh is online**

 

_7:05 a.m._

**robo jesus:** Connor… my sweet

 **Connor:** Yes, Markus?

 **robo jesus:** why did you broadcast Hank screaming at 5 o’clock in the morning?? :^)))))

 **Josh:** jdjdjsjshkwk whAT ???????

 **an angel:** yeaH I heaRD THAT TOO??

 **Connor:** Lieutenant Anderson merely found a roach that Sumo had killed and placed near his bed

 **Connor:** He woke up and stepped on it

 **an angel:** rip Hank's foot

 **robo jesus:** and you broadcasted that why?

 **Connor:** It must've been an accident, I apologize to you both 

 **Connor:** Sometimes when I'm overwhelmed with emotions my processor doesn’t always work correctly

 

_7:11 a.m._

**an angel:** connor were u

 **an angel:** were u scared Connor?

 **Connor:** Fear is a natural part of deviancy

 **robo jesus:** Simon do u know what this means

 **Josh:** Connor's afraid of buugs?

 **an angel:** no Markus I don't? :^0

 **robo jesus:** Connor is the “scared of bugs” part of the relationship and u and me are “have to kill the bugs” part of the relationship

 

**Kara is online**

 

_7:15 a.m._

**Josh:** hello Kara!

 **an angel:** u know I've never been in a 10 ft. radius of a roach Markus

 **Kara:** morning! :D

 **Connor:** good morning, Kara :)

 **an angel:** morning

 **robo jesus:** good ‘morrow

 **Kara:** aaa thank you all :’3

 **Connor:** and to confirm my fear of bugs I say: I could easily kill bugs if I wished too

 **an angel:** u just wish to be scared of them instead?

 **Josh:** hdhsjsjsjaj

 **robo jesus:** Simon takes no hostages jfc

 **Connor:** a hostage situation is nothing to joke about Markus

 

\--

 

_7:26 a.m._

**[Simon >> Markus]**

**Simon:** u think Connor likes my singing? :0

 **Markus:** probably? He likes most thing tbh

 **Simon:** unlike u apparently

 **Markus:** Babe, I was just joking, I do actually like your singing

 **Simon:** ik I've just been kinda self-conscious about it now

 **Markus:** Oh gosh I'm really sorry Simon

 **Markus:** I shouldn't have made fun of you 

 **Markus** : I'm in the wrong here

 **Simon:** no… it's fine

 **Markus:** I'll make it up to you somehow? Chocolates? I'll get a street named after you? A star?

 **Simon:** 0/////0 Markus!! ; w;

 

_7:28 a.m_

**robo jesus:** Connor I have a question for you

 **Connor:** proceed

 **robo jesus:** how do you feel about Simon's singing?

 **an angel:** :^))))

 **Josh:** Connor for your own well being

 **Josh:** don't answer that

 **Connor:** I like it :)

 **robo jesus:** SEE SIMON I TOLD U

 **Kara:** dawh, that's cute

 **an angel:** :’) thank u con bon

 

**Kara changed Connor's name to con bon**

 

_7:34 a.m._

**robo jesus:** wait since when can u change names???

 **Kara:** oh, north gave me permission last night lol

 **robo jesus:** why doesn't like,,, Josh get permission,, bc he's always on

 **Josh:** wow are u saying I have no life??

 **con bon:** I like this name :)

 **an angel:** bdjzsdbsbsbn cONNOR UR KILLING ME

 **con bon:** I'll be at your home in 2

 **an angel:**??????

 **robo jesus:** But Josh,,,

 **robo jesus:** u /dont/ gave a life

 **Kara:** oh gosh fhdxhshsh

 **an angel:** Connor??¿?

 **robo jesus:** wait is Connor coming over?

 **robo jesus:** I thought he was at work? Or Hank's house??? Bc that's where he lives??

 **Josh:** wow I can't believe Connor is coming to your home to personally kill u

 

**Kara added Luther**

 

 **robo jesus:** Hello Luther!

 **Luther:** :) Good morning

 **Josh:** chaotic good is putting your smiley face before you speak

 **Kara:** he finally got a phone!!

 **Josh:** wait

 **Kara:** hm?

 **Josh:** where's North??

 **Kara:** I dunno

 **Josh:** ur literally dating her?? U too Luther???

 **Kara:** she

 

_7:41 a.m._

**Kara:** I think she just wants some time for herself? The internet is tiring, ya know?

 **Kara:** she's been hanging out with me and Luther lately

 **Kara:** playing with Alice a lot more too

 **Kara:** I dunno it's like

 **Kara:** it's like a switch got flipped and she wants to be more caring suddenly?

 **Kara:** she's always be caring but it's just,, more now??

 

_7:46 a.m._

**Josh:** huh

 

\--

 

_7:52 a.m._

**Josh:** where's Connor and the boys?

 **Josh:** they didn't,, log off?

 **Kara:** I don't think so

 **Luther:** Oh Connor is here as well?

 **Kara:** yeah and so is Markus and Simon :)

 

_7:57 a.m._

**robo jesus:** bonjour

 **robo jesus:** u called?

 **Josh:** where’d u go man

 **Josh:** whERE ARE THE TWINKS?!?

 **robo jesus:** jxsjsjaanan

 **robo jesus:** CONNOR BROKE INTO OUR H OME

 **robo jesus:** becAUSE HE THOUGHT siMON WAS /DYING/

 **Luther:** was he?

 **robo jesus:** no

 **con bon:** It's not considered breaking in if I have probable cause

 **an angel:** im just sad we never got to do mouth-to-mouth :(

 

_8:00 a.m._

**an angel:** also he has a key Markus

 **robo jesus:** JdjdhshsBDHSHSH

 

**Kara changed an angel’s name to probable cause**

 

 **Josh:** ur worse than North, Kara

 **robo jesus:** no-ones worse than North

 **Luther:** :) they're both lovely

 **Kara:** <3

 **Luther:** <3

 **con bon:** also, Simon said he was dying I was just doing my job as a detective and investigating the claim

 **probable cause:** >:0

 **con bon:** I have to turn off my phone now while at work, it's a new policy

 **Kara:** oh?

 **robo jesus:** that's homophobic, I won't stand for this

 **con bon:** all employees have to, not just me and Gavin :)

 **robo jesus:** xhhshhHXHSSSH

 **Josh:** aaAAAA KGKFKDJJ

 **probable cause:** did u just

 **probable cause:** did u

 **con bon:** :^)

 **con bon:** goodbye!

 

**con bon is offline**

 

 **robo jesus:** _sent image_ [you_sly_dog.png]

 **probable cause:** our boyfriend,,, is a Savage™

 

**Kara changed con bon’s name to Savage™**

 

 **Josh:** you're too powerful

 **Josh:** someone stop her

 **Luther:** no one will be able to get past me to harm Kara or any of my girls

 **Josh:** was I the only one who just realized that Luther could kill us all if he wanted

 **probable cause:** oh

 **robo jesus:** anyone could if they were dedicated enough

 **Kara:** Lutherrrr <3

 **Luther:** _sent image_ [thats_my_WIFE.gif]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the gif Luther sent:  
> https://www.google.com/search?q=that%27s+my+wife+john+mulaney&client=ms-android-motorola&tbm=isch&prmd=vin&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiV3f2q6c3cAhVFVK0KHQ86AKcQ_AUIECgC&biw=360&bih=512&dpr=2#imgdii=oNKAuyGGJGIkjM:&imgrc=5QFLGdIl3gmjNM:
> 
> I thought you should know  
> Sumo killing a bug is in honor of my cats killing roaches and leaving them lying around :^)))))


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coffee complications.  
> Gavin throws things.  
> RK900 joins the chat!  
> "Judas NO"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is wild from start to finish.  
> I would say Gavin and RK900 aren't actually arguing but I dunno if Gavin is lol

_8:30 a.m._

**[Gavin >> RK900]**

**Gavin:** did you spill coffee on my chair?

 **RK900:** No.

 **Gavin:** then why is there a stain on it you douche

 **RK900:** _sent image_ [douche.jpeg]

 **Gavin:** what?? Th e fuck is that???

 **RK900:** A douche, since you clearly do not know what one looks like.

 **Gavin:** omg

 

_8:34 a.m._

**RK900:** Did you perish, Detective?

 **Gavin:** fuck off

 **Gavin:** i think i know who spilled coffe on my char

 **RK900:** Coffee* Chair*

 **Gavin:** ur unbearable

 **RK900:** You’re*

 **Gavin:** im calling Cyberlife to come pick ur plastic ass up and toss you into a dumpster

 

\--

 

_8:41 a.m._

**Josh is online**

**Kara is online**

**Luther is online**

**robo jesus is online**

**probable cause is online**

 

 **Josh:** we need more people here

 **probable cause:** does anyone have the tracis’ contact infos?

 **probable cause:** they seemed cool! :)

 **robo jesus:** the gayer the better

 **Josh:** dsdfsdfsdfskjf

 **Josh:** i dunno simon, they liVE AT JERICHO

 **probable cause:** oh shit u right

 **Kara:** dont swear its bad for the baby

 **probable cause:** the baby???

 **Kara:** you

 **robo jesus:** dsfdfkjdf

 

**Savage™ is online**

 

 **Savage™:** Good morning everyone :)

 **Kara:** hello Connor! :D

 **Josh:** hi

 **Luther:** :) Hello

 **probable cause:** good morning!

 **robo jesus:** UR NOT ALLOWED TO BE ON YOUR PHONE??? AT WORK?? I THOUGHT??

 **Savage™:** I just thought i should tell you all that Detective Gavin Reed is throwing things

 

_9:01 a.m._

**Josh:** I think we’re all too confused to talk connor

 **robo jesus:** wh-

 **robo jesus:** whY??

 **Savage™:** Hank spilled coffee on his chair-

 **Savage™:** oh he just threw a cup at Lieutenant Anderson

 **Kara:** Gavin doesn’t seem like a good influence :0

 **probable cause:** Hank is literally an alcoholic but go off

 **Savage™:** I actually have Hank on a recovery plan for that :)

 **probable cause:** oh thats nice!

 **Savage™:** :)

 

_9:08 a.m._

**Luther:** You work with this Gavin??

 **Savage™:** Well, i don’t technically work with Detective Reed, that’s my doppelgangers job.

 **Savage™:** RK900 is restraining Reed as we speak

 **Josh:** im laughing so hard at this all fsdfddffsd

 **Josh:** hoW DO U GET WORK DONE IN THIS ENVIRONMENT??

 **Savage™:** No one usually gets any work done when Gavin is like this

 **Luther:** Wait, you have a doppelganger?

 **Savage™:** _image sent_ [3vrGUSLQH3XeCt6M6_RK900] Yes

 **Luther:** Oh

 **robo jesus:** I didn’t notice last time but he has blue eyes, where u have brown?

 **Savage™:** Personally, I think it’s to make him more intimidating

 **Savage™:** Since we’re on the topic of RK900 :^)

 **Kara:** oh no

 **Savage™:** If you wouldn’t mind...

 **Savage™:** Could we add him to the chat?

 **Josh:** as long as Gavin doesn’t follow it’s good with me lmao

 **probable cause:** yeah wouldn’t want him throwing digital cups

 **robo jesus:** gssfdfdkjfDSFODFONSF

 **Luther:** :) I don’t mind

 **Kara:** should we wait for North?

 **Josh:** i dunno is she ever gonna log back in???

 **Savage™:** This will finally give her someone of equal sass to bicker with?

 **Savage™:** Sorry, Josh

 **Josh:** no-one appreciates me >:0

 

_9:13 a.m._

**Josh went offline**

 

 **Savage™:** oh no!! I didn’t mean for it to be rude!! :(

 **robo jesus:** unacceptable, I’ll get him back

 

\--

 

**[Markus >> Josh]**

**Markus:** oui oui u bitch get back into the chat u made Connor sad

 **Markus:** and unlike u

 **Markus:** i am NOT a pacifist >:|

 

\--

 

_9:16 a.m._

**Josh is online**

 

 **Josh:** _sent image_ [I_was_threatened.png]

 **robo jesus:** _sent image_ [Its_what_she_deserves.png]

 **Savage™:** Welcome back, Josh! :)

 

**North is online**

 

_9:18 a.m._

**probable cause:** SHES ALIVE!!!

 **robo jesus:** igOR THE BRAINNNN

 **North:** hey all

 **Kara:** we missed u! <3 <3

 **Luther:** <3

 **Josh:** samesies

 **North:** firstly, Luther is here!  <3

 **North:** secondly: “samESIES”?!?!? DSDSADSADSSDA

 **Josh:** i was trying to say i missed u too

 **Josh:** >:0

 **Savage™:** Welcome back, North! :)

 **Savage™:** I just looked up and Gavin somehow has a bloody nose now

 **North:** whomst?

 **robo jesus:** Gavin Reed, someone Connor works with, was having a tantrum at the station because Hank spilled coffee on his chair

 **robo jesus:** and now he has a bloody nose…

 **probable cause:** somehow

 **Savage™:** Oh!

 **Savage™:** Since North is here :^)))))))

 

_9:25 a.m._

**North:** what does that mean im sCARED

 **Kara:** Connor wanted to know if his doppelganger could join the group chat?

 **North:** oh yeah

 **North:** sure ofc

 **North:** gimme his contact info Con

 

_9:29 a.m._

**North:** neat

 

**North added RK900 #313 248 317 (- 87)**

 

 **RK900 #313 248 317 (- 87):** Connor what is this that you have brought me into?

 **robo jesus:** hOW DID U KNOW IT WAS CONNOR JFC DSFFDSFDFDSDFS

 **RK900 #313 248 317 (- 87):** Oh, I can already tell this is going to be a pain of a group-chat to be a part of.

 **RK900 #313 248 317 (- 87):** Also, I hardly believe Jesus of Nazareth was a robot, if he existed at all.

 **Josh:** fdsdfdffsddsf u tELL ‘EM RK9

 **RK900 #313 248 317 (- 87):** Please, Josh, address me by my full name

 **Josh:** which is?

 **RK900 #313 248 317 (- 87):** RK900 #313 248 317 (- 87), obviously.

 **Josh:** aaAAAA HHHhjjhsdfjsfsd

 

 **North** **changed RK900 #313 248 317 (- 87)’s name to Bitch**

 

 **Bitch:** This hardly seems mature, North.

 **North:** I know he can see my name but that name drop is still /unsettling/

 **Kara:** Connor he’s nothing like you

 **Bitch:** I’ll take that as a compliment.

 **robo jesus:** how dare u

 **robo jesus:** Connor is a DELIGHT

 **probable cause:** i don’t blame Gavin for throwing things now

 **Bitch:** Detective Gavin Reed was throwing things at Lieutenant Anderson, not me.

 **Savage™:** Brother, how are you texting without using a phone?

 **Bitch:** I’m interfacing with the cloud, RK800.

 **Josh:** why doesn’t Luther ever type???

 **Luther:** Oh, I don’t really have anything to say

 **Luther:** I just kind of...watch?

 **North:** no no- the real question is why does Bitch call Connor “RK800”??

 **Bitch:** I assume, for the same reason why you call me “Bitch”.

 **North:** to belittle u

 **Bitch:** Oh.

 **Josh:** wait why did u think she called u bitch???

 **robo jesus:** wait wait- no, why did Connor even want RK900 #313 248 317 (- 87) in the chat in the first place?

 **Savage™:** No reason in particular, Markus :)

 **Bitch:** Its a nickname, is it not, Josh?

 **Josh:** dsfdsfdsfsfd

 **Josh:** im GONE, this chat is too much for me rn

 

**Josh is offline**

 

_9:36 a.m._

**probable cause:** markus did u just use RK9’s entire “name”?

 **robo jesus:** yes??

 **Bitch:** Thank you for that, Jesus of Nazareth

 **North:** :^)

 **robo jesus:** north

 **robo jesus:** north pl ease no

 

**North changed robo jesus’s name to Jesus of Nazareth**

 

**North changed Bitch’s name to Judas**

 

_9:40 a.m._

**probable cause:** i brought u frankincense

 **Jesus of Nazareth:** thank you

 **probable cause:** and i brought you mur

 **Jesus of Nazareth:** thank you

 **probable cause: /** MURder/

 **Jesus of Nazareth:** JudAS NO

 **Judas:** I’m afraid I don’t understand.

 **Judas:** Unless you are implying that I’m going to murder Jesus of Nazareth, then I am “lost” as they say.

 **Jesus of Nazareth:** oh btw did Hank survive the cup??

 **Judas:** Yes, I prohibited Detective Reed from causing any more damage to anyone or anything.

 **North:** ominous

 **Judas:** Not really.

 

**North changed Judas’s name to Bitch**

 

 **North:** it fits better

 

_9:46 a.m._

**Savage™:** Oh, the Captain is leaving his office,

 **Savage™:** I should not let him see me on my phone, goodbye all

 **Bitch:** Farewell.

 

**Savage™ is offline**

**Bitch is offline**

 

 **Jesus of Nazareth:** they grow up so fast :’)

 **probable cause:** waIT SO SINCE RK900 TALKS THROUGH THE CLOUD THAT MEANS HE CAN TALK WHENEVER HE WANTS WITHOUT FEAR OF THE RULES

 **probable cause:** HE JUST LEFT BECAUSE HE DIDN’T WANT TO BE AROUND US >:O

 **Kara:** are you shocked?

 **North:** my wife coming in with the TRUTH

 **Luther:** _sent image_ [thats_our_wife.png]

 **North:** thats so inclusive thank u luther omg

 

\--

 

_9: 57 a.m._

**[Gavin >> RK900]**

**Gavin:** you fucking punched me???

 **Gavin:** in the nose????

 **RK900:** I apologize, Detective.

 **Gavin:** ur apology means jack-shit to me tin-can

 **Gavin:** i already have a scar there u bitch

 **RK900:** I was concerned you were getting out of control, do you need a smoke to calm down?

 **Gavin:** dont change the topic

 **Gavin:** u just wanted to punch me u bastard

 **RK900:** There’s other ways I know you like to get physical, Detective. If i truly wanted to touch you, I would’ve done one of those.

 **Gavin:** stop

 **RK900:** Stop what, Detective?

 **Gavin:** flirting you asshole!

 **Gavin:** stiop fucking flirting wiht me

 **Gavin:** i hate u

 **RK900:** Would you like to discuss this in person, Gavin? In private?

 

_10:09 a.m._

**Gavin:** maybe

 **Gavin:** after u apologize

 **RK900:** I did Detective.

 **Gavin:** but like

 **Gavin:** sincerely

 **RK900:** It was sincere.

 **Gavin:** bullshit

 **RK900:** It was.

 

_10:11 a.m._

**RK900:** Detective?

 

_10:14 a.m._

**RK900:** Reed?

 

_10:20 a.m._

**RK900:** I’m sorry for causing you physically harm, Detective.

 **RK900:** /Sincerely./

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starts and ends with reed900 lmao, I'm so desperate to write them.  
> Please boys,,,, be nicer to eachother,,,


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pied Piper discourse  
> Dog presents  
> It's a short chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)  
> hey guys, long time no write
> 
>  
> 
> yes, i know its 2019 and i haven't added to this in ages, but i just re-read this entire fic and laughed out-loud at my own dumb humor, so im adding another chapter FINALLY

_4:04 a.m._

**North is online**

 

 **North:** so was anyone going to tell me that the Pied Piper was a real person??

 **North:** or was i just supposed to figure that out in a meme?

 

_4:08 a.m._

**North:** hello??

 **North:** is no one seriously on?

 

_4:11 a.m._

**North:** wow i finally come back and this is how you all treat me? the disrespect

 

_4:14 a.m._

**Bitch:** I would not consider the Pied Piper a "real" person.

 **North:**????

 **North:** why do you have parentheses around 'real'?? hello?? he literally took a hundred kids from a town but hes not a "real" person??

 **Bitch:** From all known accounts, the so called "Pied Piper" took exactly 130 children from the town of Hamelin in 1284. But there is no evidence that the "Pied Piper" was a "real" person. Like in many ancient texts, he could simply be symbolism for anything, a plague that killed the children, an attack from another village. I say he is not a "real" person because the first known account of the "Pied Piper" is a text that says "it is 100 years since our children left." Left. The children left. Again that could mean anything. Like Jesus of Nazareth we only have the words that the people of that time gave us. We do not know if it is fact or fiction.

 

_4:21 a.m._

**North:** ok but you agree the "Pied Piper" existed?

 **Bitch:**  I...

 **North:** well????

 **Bitch:** Sure.

 

**Bitch is offline**

 

_4:30 a.m._

**North:** wait why are you up at 4 am?

 **North:** aw shit he gone

 

\--

 

_6:30 a.m._

**[RK900 >> Gavin]**

**RK900:** Would you consider the "Pied Piper" a real person?  


 

_6:33 a.m._

**Gavin:** this is THE SINGLE most CONFUSIONG "good morning" text you have ever sent me, what, pray tell, the /fuck??/

 **RK900:** It is a simple question, Detective Reed.

 **Gavin:** jesus christ, ok uh,,,

 **Gavin:** no? i guess not? he's kinda like fairy tale/myth so hes not really a "real" person

 **RK900:** That's the correct answer. Thank you, Detective.

 

**RK900 is offline**

 

_6:37 a.m._

**Gavin:** did u just,,,???

 

\--

 

_7:00 a.m._

****Savage™ is online** **

**Josh is online**

**Kara is online**

**Jesus of Nazareth is online**

 

 ** **Savage™:**** Does anyone here know a good birthday present for a dog?

 **Josh:** for a

 **Josh:** a dog??

 ** **Savage™** : **Yes, that is what i typed.

 **Kara:** Maybe a chew toy, Connor?

 **Josh:** you're thinking too small, Kara. Its Sumo's birthday, you gotta think bigger!

 **North:** Don't tell Kara how to think, or what to do, Josh.

 ** **Jesus of Nazareth:** ** *eye emoji* yikes

 ** **Jesus of Nazareth:** ** also wait, North you're on??? at 7 am?

 **North:** so is josh, and i would hardly call him an "early riser"

 **Josh:** u right u right

 **North:** plus i've been up since 4

 **Kara:** It's true. She was cursing at her phone for some reason, and i meant to ask you, North, why was that?

 **North:** Just like his nickname, RK9 was being a bitch about the pied piper

 **Josh:** THE WHOMST?

 ** **Jesus of Nazareth:** ** do i dare ask why???

 ** **Savage™:**** Why was my brother being 'a bitch' about the Pied Piper, North?

 **Josh:** "brother"????

 **North:** i brought the piper up, saying he was a real person, (bc of a meme btw) and then rk9 got on my ass about it saying that he WASN'T "a rEaL PeRsON BecAuse TecHniCallY-" >:/

 ** **Savage™:****  Why did he write like that? Was he malfunctioning?

 **North:** what

 ** **Jesus of Nazareth:** ** no connor she was mocking him, its a meme format

 ** **Jesus of Nazareth:** ** _image sent [mocking_spongebob_meme.jpeg]_

 

_7:23 a.m._

****Savage™:****  Oh, okay I understand now. Funny :)

 **North:** ew a jpeg

 **Josh:** im sorry, so is no one going to mention Connor calling RK9 his brother? or??

 **North:** no

 ** **Jesus of Nazareth:****  no

 **Kara:** no

 

_7:25 a.m._

**Josh:** ok wow

 

_7:30 a.m._

****Savage™:**** So about the present :)

 ** **Jesus of Nazareth:**** Simon is better at this stuff then me, but, maybe like something physical like Kara suggested? it really depends...

 ** **Jesus of Nazareth:**** do you want to get him exercise or fun or do you want to get him something to change his look, like a collar?

 ** **Savage™:**** You're right, i should get him some type of toy. Thank you :D

 

****Savage™ is offline** **

 

 **North:**  whats it with the rk series and just popping in and out

 ** **Jesus of Nazareth:**** its what we do best.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont get your hopes up about this fic btw, i might forget about it again lmao


End file.
